Duck Duck Cougar?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
