I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
