Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
