the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
