That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
