hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
