I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
