The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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