No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
