so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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