Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
