I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
