At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
