It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
