two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
