dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
