Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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