would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
