oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
