someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
