he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
