The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
