we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
