I cockslap morals
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
