9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He felt like a one man threesome
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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