I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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