girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
