Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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