when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
