Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
