I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
