I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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