yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
