i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
