once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
