would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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