I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
