You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
