Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
