When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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