But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Duck Duck Cougar?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
