Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
