Will you blow on my dice?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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