is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
