Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
