There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
