My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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