fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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