the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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