I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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