the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
did i just pee glitter
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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