Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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