I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
