I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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